Recently, I met a certain CM(common man i.e; he told me his name was Narendra Modi) of a certain state(he told me the name of the state was Gujrat) of a certain country(he did not tell me the name of the country so your guess is as good as mine)He said he belonged to a party called BJP which had members with weird names like A-tall Bihari, Ad-vani etc. & he was really pissed off with a lady called Soni-a. Poor chap, he was being hounded by the media, particularly a guy named Karan Thapar and apparently this Karan Thapar offered him only water for all his troubles(I was more courteous though). Wishing for a safe refuge, he entered my house.Poor soul(I pity him!), even I did not spare him(I am not that callous, generally). Here is an excerpt from the interview:
(Modi flanked by his bodyguards arrives)
Naman: Welcome,sir. Please be seated. My 1st Q. is........
Modi(butts in between): I 'll ask the 1st Q. Tell me, "Are you in any way related to Karan-my nemesis-Thapar?"
N: No, sir.
M(Sits down): Very well, then we can continue with the interview.
N: What is all this hullabaloo about EC sending different notices to Ms. Gandhi and you?
M: The EC is clearly biased towards the ruling party at the centre. They haven't asked Soniaben to exercise caution but they tell me, the messiah of the masses, the elected leader of Gujrat to do the same. This is an insult to 5 crore Gujratis. This clearly shows the partisan attitude of the EC. It is a double-headed watch dog. It has different standards for
an Indian and a foreigner,
a Gujarati and a foriegner,
a son of the soil and a foreigner.
N: Between Sir, what would you like to have?
M: A nice, warm, crisp pizza.
N: Very well sir, veering towards the policies of your government, why is there a ban on cow slaughter in Gujrat?
M:ये ५ करोड़ गुजरात वासीओं की भावनाओं से जुडा मामला है। गौमाता धार्मिक आस्था का प्रतीक हैं। You can't play with the emotions of the public. I have simply based my decision on vox populi.(I need votes, man)
N: Going by that logic,shouldn't pig slaughter also be banned in the state?
M: See, we really can't stifle development. Industries are the major drivers of development and we can't shut them down randomly. Gujrat is one of the most developed states in the country and 'll continue to remain so. I have no personal ambitions, no personal interests. I am here only for selfless service, for the betterment of the people of Gujrat. (Have you ever heard a better joke, dude?). "JEETEGA GUJRAT"
N: Talking of ambitions, do you harbour any, to be the PM or as some critics put it, are you larger than the party?
M: If you see beyond me(though you will need an X-ray vision for it), you 'll find the blood (I couldn't agree more) and sweat of a lot of people who have helped reach me this stage. There is no question of someone being bigger than the party(Invariably, that's a sily Q.; I am and will always remain bigger). Advaniji is our leader. The public will support sons of the soil. It will never accept any foreigners(that brightens my chances, doesn't it? Advani came to India from Pakistan during the partition). I will always keep on working in national interest(the same national interest every politico talks about).
N: Sir, what's your stand on the Tasleema Nasreen controversy?
M: The whole thing is quite unfortunate. Both the state as well as the central government are hell bent on appeasing the minorities. I have already stated that if they can't protect her, they should send her to Gujrat(Godhra, actually!)
N: Isn't the M.F. Hussain case more or less similar to the Tasleema Nasreen controversy?
M: No, not at all(can't you see, they belong to differrent religions, you blithering idiot!) There is a subtle difference between the two। We support freedom of expression but the sentiments of the public should not be hurt. Hussain sahab is free to come to India anytime he wishes to (Opposing him gonna garner me more votes than the Sohrabuddin encounter).
N: Today, you take oath as the CM of Gujrat on Mr। Atal Bihari Vajpayee's birthday, who is considered to be the liberal face of BJP। Don't you think BJP needs to shift to Vajpayeeji 's liberal Hinutava than the radical Hindutava you endorse?
M: (I would call you nothing less than a nincompoop. Who in the hell told you that I endorse Hindutava, its only Moditava that I propagate). वाजपेयी जी is a respected leader of ours. वे युगपुरुष हैं। Ideological differences तो होते ही हैं।(I first need an ideology to disagree with someone's ideology, you bumbling baboon).
N: Mr. Modi........
M(looks at his watch): Its time for the oath taking ceremony. A crowd of(to his bodyguard-"how many men did you hire?") 50,000 is waiting for me to take the centrestage(are Advani & Rajnath listening?). Thank you.
DISCALAIMER: All contents and characters of this post are fictional. Any resembelance to any person, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
p.s. The journo in me may awake once again if a certain Kalaingar doesn't stop harrassing law students. Kalaingar TV may not broadcast the interview but there is always a ray(or shall I say rays) of hope.