Tuesday, December 25, 2007

A Tinge of Nervousness

The title has no connnection whatsoever with the contents of the post. It just communicates(crap!i need to do communication system too) the feeling that every teenager appearing for his/her boards goes through.

Recently, I met a certain CM(common man i.e; he told me his name was Narendra Modi) of a certain state(he told me the name of the state was Gujrat) of a certain country(he did not tell me the name of the country so your guess is as good as mine)He said he belonged to a party called BJP which had members with weird names like A-tall Bihari, Ad-vani etc. & he was really pissed off with a lady called Soni-a. Poor chap, he was being hounded by the media, particularly a guy named Karan Thapar and apparently this Karan Thapar offered him only water for all his troubles(I was more courteous though). Wishing for a safe refuge, he entered my house.Poor soul(I pity him!), even I did not spare him(I am not that callous, generally). Here is an excerpt from the interview:

(Modi flanked by his bodyguards arrives)

Naman: Welcome,sir. Please be seated. My 1st Q. is........
Modi(butts in between): I 'll ask the 1st Q. Tell me, "Are you in any way related to Karan-my nemesis-Thapar?"
N: No, sir.
M(Sits down): Very well, then we can continue with the interview.

N: What is all this hullabaloo about EC sending different notices to Ms. Gandhi and you?
M: The EC is clearly biased towards the ruling party at the centre. They haven't asked Soniaben to exercise caution but they tell me, the messiah of the masses, the elected leader of Gujrat to do the same. This is an insult to 5 crore Gujratis. This clearly shows the partisan attitude of the EC. It is a double-headed watch dog. It has different standards for
an Indian and a foreigner,
a Gujarati and a foriegner,
a son of the soil and a foreigner.

N: Between Sir, what would you like to have?
M: A nice, warm, crisp pizza.

N: Very well sir, veering towards the policies of your government, why is there a ban on cow slaughter in Gujrat?
M:ये ५ करोड़ गुजरात वासीओं की भावनाओं से जुडा मामला है। गौमाता धार्मिक आस्था का प्रतीक हैं। You can't play with the emotions of the public. I have simply based my decision on vox populi.(I need votes, man)

N: Going by that logic,shouldn't pig slaughter also be banned in the state?
M: See, we really can't stifle development. Industries are the major drivers of development and we can't shut them down randomly. Gujrat is one of the most developed states in the country and 'll continue to remain so. I have no personal ambitions, no personal interests. I am here only for selfless service, for the betterment of the people of Gujrat. (Have you ever heard a better joke, dude?). "JEETEGA GUJRAT"

N: Talking of ambitions, do you harbour any, to be the PM or as some critics put it, are you larger than the party?
M: If you see beyond me(though you will need an X-ray vision for it), you 'll find the blood (I couldn't agree more) and sweat of a lot of people who have helped reach me this stage. There is no question of someone being bigger than the party(Invariably, that's a sily Q.; I am and will always remain bigger). Advaniji is our leader. The public will support sons of the soil. It will never accept any foreigners(that brightens my chances, doesn't it? Advani came to India from Pakistan during the partition). I will always keep on working in national interest(the same national interest every politico talks about).

N: Sir, what's your stand on the Tasleema Nasreen controversy?
M: The whole thing is quite unfortunate. Both the state as well as the central government are hell bent on appeasing the minorities. I have already stated that if they can't protect her, they should send her to Gujrat(Godhra, actually!)

N: Isn't the M.F. Hussain case more or less similar to the Tasleema Nasreen controversy?
M: No, not at all(can't you see, they belong to differrent religions, you blithering idiot!) There is a subtle difference between the two। We support freedom of expression but the sentiments of the public should not be hurt. Hussain sahab is free to come to India anytime he wishes to (Opposing him gonna garner me more votes than the Sohrabuddin encounter).

N: Today, you take oath as the CM of Gujrat on Mr। Atal Bihari Vajpayee's birthday, who is considered to be the liberal face of BJP। Don't you think BJP needs to shift to Vajpayeeji 's liberal Hinutava than the radical Hindutava you endorse?
M: (I would call you nothing less than a nincompoop. Who in the hell told you that I endorse Hindutava, its only Moditava that I propagate). वाजपेयी जी is a respected leader of ours. वे युगपुरुष हैं। Ideological differences तो होते ही हैं।(I first need an ideology to disagree with someone's ideology, you bumbling baboon).

N: Mr. Modi........
M(looks at his watch): Its time for the oath taking ceremony. A crowd of(to his bodyguard-"how many men did you hire?") 50,000 is waiting for me to take the centrestage(are Advani & Rajnath listening?). Thank you.

DISCALAIMER: All contents and characters of this post are fictional. Any resembelance to any person, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

p.s. The journo in me may awake once again if a certain Kalaingar doesn't stop harrassing law students. Kalaingar TV may not broadcast the interview but there is always a ray(or shall I say rays) of hope.

Monday, December 17, 2007

A Seance with Murphy's Ghost

December 17,2007 was nothing less than 9/11 for me(i may rechristen it since i hvnt yet received my board and CAT results bt it stands till then).

The day began on a disastorous note when I was late 4 school. It was only because of the genial English teacher that I averted a fine. I was nonetheless sent out of the class to tie myself with the tie(all rite, I did that myself b4 entering the class when I saw a classmate being sent out 4 d same 'crime')The other periods were pretty routine but dat was b4 it was 12 noon(yeah!I kno what you are thinking;please rein the horses of ur imagination). It was then that the worse that could happen, happened.

The whole class had assembled outside the chemistry lab when I just realised that I hadn't got the most under-utilised, nonetheless essential component of chem pracs-what else but the LAB COAT.I was surely in for a scolding and may be a fine but the drama that followed was unexpected. I had never been such a thing through my entire school life, but as they say everything new happens for the first time.

We(I had three others for company and I was certainly not banking on my companions' rep) were promptly sequestered from the rest of the class and turned out.Nothing extraordinary, of course but then the succeding events took the wind out of my sails.I was aghast when we were told that we could leave.This single sentence worked as a knockout punch and the irony was that I could not even lie down, so we ran from pillar to post from the omnipresent Mohanji to Mr. O.P. to finally the administrator who immediately(that was amazing, i hadn't expected anything short of a harangue) gave us the permission to appear for the exam(at our own risk though!)But Ms.David(oops!Mrs.Menezes)was apprently not yet satisfied. So we, began the exam half an hour later(a total of one hour since half an hour had already passed)

Anyway, once inside the laboratory, my mind started working frantically but alas! the more it worked, the more it confused me.I could write any other test at that time barring the analysis for phenol-the one required.Thankfully, as soon as I opened salt packet no. 44, I breathed a sigh of relief(yeah, I breathed,Kunal was right after all). The amorphous power with a pinkish hue in front of me gave me a high comparable to what cocaine must have done to Rahul Mahajan or Fardeen Khan(hold your horses).It had to be manganese and the subsequent confirmatory tests ruled out any other possibility.The anion too was worked out in a jiffy and the mystery of packet 44 was decoded as manganese sulphate.

Now it was time for titration.I cursed the balance, the funnel, the solution and practically evrything I could(due to lack of time) but finally measured the volume of KMNO4 required.Now, I wanted to breathe again[funnily, some things never change ;)] but there came the dreaded viva. A group of 5-6 boys was given sheets with different questions.So much so good. I was able to answer majority of questions but den I came face to face with the examiner(I wonder what effect will the external have on me!)

(..............to be continued,sometime after I reach Mars)